Faith, Science, and a Young Christian Struggling with Doubt

This post is inspired by a recent sermon: “Hasn’t science disproved Christianity?“

I’ll never forget sitting in my 8th grade science class and encountering the theory of evolution for the first time.

I was a church kid in public school. 

And for the first time in my life, one of my teachers was telling me something that presented a conflict with the things I believed.

Note: This is not, by the way, a commentary on whether you should send your kids to public school. They are going to encounter these ideas at some point. But I hope it helps parents think about what their kids are facing.

My teacher was a decent guy. He taught a lot of Christian kids like me. He wasn’t some kind of villain seeking to destroy the faith of his students.

But honestly, I didn’t know it at the time, that actually made it worse.

We didn’t have violent clashes or angry debates in class. No one was yelling or foaming at the mouth. 

Instead, my teacher–we’ll call him Mr. Kellogg because this is going on the internet–presented arguments and entertained conversations about ideas that filled my mind with doubt.

Until that time, I had never questioned the things that I believed. I believed in God like I believed in gravity, or anything else my parents or teachers taught me.

But evolution wasn’t compatible with my Sunday school lessons, or the way I understood the first pages of Genesis. And here was a teacher, who studied science in college, telling me evolution was the definite explanation for the origins of human life. 

He let me draw my own conclusions about what that meant for Christianity and my belief in the Bible.

It wasn’t good.

Doubt began to seep in. And began growing louder.

For several years, I tried to shake my doubts. When I couldn’t shake them, I just tried to ignore them. But over time, those doubts got worse.

“Don’t ask too many questions”

I was raised around wonderful people who sincerely believed in Jesus and trusted in the Bible. They taught me to love him and trust his Word. But when it came to the heard questions about about Christianity – like we’re tackling in our current sermon series –their attitude was essentially, “Don’t ask too many questions.”

Even then I could tell that asking hard questions or interrogating our beliefs made the Christians around me uncomfortable. I can’t explain all the reasons. But I do think at least some of them were afraid that we might not like the answers if we looked.

So I stopped asking. At least for a while.

But I did have questions. And when I got to college, those questions turned into serious doubts. For the first time, I really wasn’t sure if the things I believed were actually true. Not just my reading of Genesis, but the whole thing. 

Is God really there?

Is any of this real?

Dark Night of the Soul

That season of my life was incredibly painful for me. I have believed in Jesus since I was a little kid. My whole life I have thought of Jesus as my best friend. 

And all at once, years of doubt and struggle culminated for me in what others have described as the dark night of the soul.

I still remember it vividly. 

On my knees in the floor of my bedroom, my face pressed down into the carpet, I cried out to God. Cries of desperation. Ugly tears flowing down my face. 

In that moment, I was so unsure. Uncertain about everything I had ever believed.

Fortunately, I had recently attended a worship service with several hundred college students. The speaker talked that night about God being able to handle our doubts and questions. 

In my desperation, I thought it was worth a shot. That night in my bedroom, I was as honest and raw as I know how to be.

I poured my heart out. Saying things like: “God are you there?” “Please help me!” “Give me a sign or some hope of your presence.” 

And I still remember most of the words that came out of my mouth. In my anguish, I said out loud, “God I feel ridiculous right now. I am praying to you with all I’ve got. But I feel like I’m really only talking to the insulation on the other side of the sheetrock in my ceiling.”

Light Breaks In

I wish I could tell you an angel showed up, or that I had some kind of revelation. It would be a great story to tell anyway.

But that’s not what happened. 

God answered my prayer, in an unexpected way.

My doubts started in a classroom. In the course of my education, I learned things that were in conflict with the things that I believed. But I didn’t realize at that time how uneducated and shallow my faith and understanding really were. God answered my prayer to relieve my doubts by filling my heart and mind with truth.

Shortly after my dark night of the soul, the Lord put people in my life who began to put good resources in my hands. 

I purchased my first study Bible. (The ESV Study Bible is still an AMAZING resource). Regular time with Jesus through his Word lifted my burdens. Knowing God’s Word led me to deeper knowledge and assurance of him.

I discovered the work of Christian apologists who dedicate their lives and careers to helping Christians navigate the same questions I was struggling with. (Today I would recommend John Lennox, Lee Strobel, William Lane Craig, Frank Turek, Josh and Sean McDowell, Wes Huff, Mike Licona, and many others).

I also read a little book called Doubting by Alister McGrath. McGrath holds a doctorate in molecular biophysics from Oxford as well as a doctorate in theology. Among others, that little book did two critical things for me. First, it demonstrated that a smart person who understood not only faith but science was convinced of the same beliefs as me about God creating the universe (I’ve since learned there are countless other brilliant minds who share our beliefs). And second, McGrath taught me to doubt my doubts. Simply put: if I’m willing to interrogate my faith on the basis of my doubt, I should interrogate my doubts on the basis of my faith.

Doubting my doubts led me out of the darkness. 

Still in Conflict?

I still have so much to learn. But my journey through doubt taught me several important things.

First, Christians have solid evidence for the things that we believe. Sometimes those arguing against religion pretend as though facts and reason are on their side while all we have is faith. Faith is central to the Christian story. But that faith is based on biblical, historical, archeological, ethical, and philosophical evidence. 

Second, God’s Word is true and trustworthy. Studying the Bible deeply has left me with rock solid confidence in the infallibility of the Scriptures. But studying church history has taught me that our interpretations are subject to change. The Bible is not. It is true in all it affirms. 

Third, Francis Schaeffer got it right. When all of the facts are known, when all of the truth is rightly seen and understood, there will be no final conflict between God’s Word and God’s world. (If you’re looking for an introduction to Schaeffer, you can’t do better than Escape from Reason.)

Final Thoughts

Our God is a big God. He can handle your doubts and questions.

Not only that, but the Christian story is the greatest story ever told. You don’t ever need to feel uncomfortable asking hard questions or exploring your faith.

The answers will lead you to Jesus.